Alls Well When Read (and Watched) #1: Weekend Review
Welcome!
I can easily be the corniest person around right now, and give an introduction that is equivalent to those of Vampira’s. But, I won’t embarrass myself or you with that.
Instead, I wanted to just welcome you to Alls Well When Read (and Watched), a place where book and movie lovers can movies, books, and shows of the past and present.
Each week, I’ll discuss some films, books, or shows with y’all and provide the lowdown on all of it (without any spoilers of course). Once done, whether you read the book or watch the film after or not is up to you!
Now, cue the lights and let’s get to it!
What to Watch This Weekend
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (3.5/5)
GO INTO THIS BLIND! Don’t look at the reviews first! I read what some people on IMDB and some other places that won’t be named had to say and honestly, “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law” won’t go down as the best show in the MCU but it’s far from being the worst thing.
The half-hour show moves quickly with comedy, quick quips, and bright green rage about the everyday world that all us modern women understand. The best part about that rage though is that Jennifer Walters, the bad ass lawyer played by Tatiana Maslany, doesn’t ask for sympathy or hugs of support from the audience. She quickly embraces her hulk and uses it to augment the genius she already possessed. Basically, she just becomes a bigger bad ass.
The thing people can’t expect from this one is a tragic origin story. You’re not going to get some big dramatic hoopla that explains why she’s the way she is or wants to help people, and that’s okay! This is the perfect example of “shit happens” and what matters is what we do in the present, not about dwelling on our past.
First episode available through Disney+ now.
Orphan: First Kill (2/5)
Forced. Crazy. Entertaining. If you’ve seen the original “Orphan” film from 2007, you’d think that there wasn’t much more that could be written for Esther but boy, we were wrong.
“Orphan: First Kill” takes the backbones from the original and twists and fractures them into something totally ridiculous, but something you can’t turn away from. For the first 1/4 of the movie, the same storyline is playing out: we can see Esther being her same ol’ psychotic self but this time around, Tricia (played by 1990’s and 2000’s queen, Julia Stiles), is privy to the bullshit. That’s where the rest of the movie decides to take a wild turn and give us a totally maniacal, absurd twist to make sure we know why this one stands apart from the original.
Ultimately, this one depends much more on gore and shock than the original because the tension and fear is gone: we know what to expect so creators have to keep our attention some how. So, go into this with an open mind and just take it for what it is.
Film available through Paramount+ now.
What I Revisited
The People Under the Stairs (5/5 FOREVER)
I revisit this movie so much, it’s not even really revisiting anymore. I know “The People Under the Stairs” inside and out so it’s essentially background noise for me now.
But, this movie does such a good job at explaining that racism isn’t simple — it makes complete monsters out of people because racists wholeheartedly believe that their narrow beliefs will better the world. Mix that in with incestuous siblings who have a penchant for cannibalism, kidnapping, and stealing money from the poor, and you’ve got a horror story that will always stay relevant (as scary as that is to believe).
It doesn’t seem to be currently streaming for free anywhere but you can rent it for $3.00 from Amazon Prime.
The Three Investigators Book Series (3.5/5 depending on book)
Someone donated their entire The Three Investigators series to Savers and y’all better believe I pounced on them before anyone else could. I had read a few of the books when I was a kid thanks to my elementary school’s library, but decided to have a refresh with one that I remember being especially good, “The Secret of the Crooked Cat.”
I’m about 3/4 of the way through and it’s just as good as it was when I was 10. But the funny thing about being an adult is that you’re much more aware of plot holes and things that just don’t make sense (lol). Besides that, it’s a very quick, whodunnit story that will keep you on your toes because there is a new layer of mystery added with every chapter.
Honorable Mention: American Horror Stories
I’ll probably get so much smack for this but I’m just not enjoying the second season! The first two episodes totally gave me old school Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk vibes but none of the most recent episodes have been hitting the marks for me.
It seems like the writers/creators are trying too hard and aren’t seeing that the scariest things are sometimes the most basic things. We don’t need a murderous Bella Thorne or an elaborate story about the bad side of Christianity — we need the same, simple magic that made everyone fall in love with the original show in the first place.